Divorce…and how people percieve it!

There are many stigmas in Indian society and divorce is one of them. We see it as the flaw in personality if one is divorced, without ever knowing the cause or why the two parties came to such a juncture.I am sure it is not easy to say ‘quits’ when not only the two individuals but the entire jingbang of the two families are also involved in getting the couple married and then divorced.

There may have been varied causes for taking such an extreme decision or maybe the decision was taken by one of them and was simply forced upon the other spouse. For instance, what can one spouse do when the other is not interested in the relation any more or has already started another because he is bored of the relation or maybe inclined to go for another one naturally. Or it could be that the spouse in question is not able take on the responsibilities of a family life. Getting married and enjoying the lovey-dovey life for a while is simple. But taking responsibilities of an entire family and household isn’t easy. It doesn’t come naturally for some. So, when the they can’t shoulder responsibilities they find it easier to start the blame-game and eventually say ‘quits’!

Then we have the free spirited person who loves to wander. This individual shierks from being tied down in a household. They succumb to the societal pressures, get married, stay there for a while and move-on without blaming anyone but scaring the life of the other spouse nonetheless. These are some of the problems encountered by the divorced individuals.

What about the external factors that are viable to break a marriage? The infamous mother-in-laws, jobs, separation, long distance marriage, etc…the list is endless. These days the girls’ indulgent and over caring parents are also becoming a major cause of disharmony and disintegration of a marriage.

Mind you, this list does not include the ego clashes of both the spouses. This category is different altogether and the main reason for breaking of marriages in the present scenario. I would consider it as an internal factor wherein the couple is accountable for the divorce.

Then why does one have to take the brunt of a divorce which was caused by others, stay with the guilt of being in an unsuccessful marriage, give explanations for the divorce to the world at large…

The other way to deal with the divorce is to make the other party look like ‘cruel monsters’ and gain sympathy. It is damn simple – since the audience gets to hear just one side of the story so weave a story in which the other spouse and their family are responsible for harassment and physical abuse. You end up looking like a victim and people feel sorry for you. Yet in your heart of hearts you are aware that the other spouse was a nice human being. It was just the inability to carry on with the burden of a wedding…!

The joint families are also breaking down but that isn’t a stigma… But why not? Afterall that is also the separation of family members…the way it happens after a divorce! The members who were together as one family fragment out due to differences…just the way in divorce!

Do the members of a disintegrated family need to fill a form every now and then to declare ‘joint’ or ‘nuclear’ family? Nah…but a divorced individual is constantly reminded of the pain and agony and the divorce-wala-label each time they fill a form: Marital status: Married/ unmarried/ divorced!!

…even when they were not the reason for the divorce!

Think about it…

Advertisement

“This is amazingly beautiful…I am sure it is in India!!”

It happened yet again… I flaunted my photos clicked while trekking in the wonderful countryside aka the magnificent Aravallis and pat came the ‘usual’ remark, “This doesn’t look like India. It looks as picturesque as places abroad!!”

Why do we underestimate the beauty of our country? Why are we hell bent upon always comparing it with other countries? Why is always a foreign country a benchmark for ‘my India’, my ‘Incredible India’?

Have we ever tried to explore the captivating beauty of our very own country? Obviously the answer is in a negative. I have been regularly trekking in the close vicinity of my house. We trek in Aravallis and enjoy the nature’s bounty. Through my posts on fb, I have tried to inspire people to join and experience these treasures. They never do… They are reluctant to join because they are unable to convince themselves that something so awe-inspiring or strikingly beautiful can be accessible for free. And when they themselves are not convinced then how would they weave a story around the experience and show it off to their peers, post it on fb or share on Instagram. Such a post would lack sensationalism which has become the norm of the day.

The other possible reason could be I-pay-more-I-enjoy-more syndrome which has been prevalent in the society since times immemorial. In the race to prove that the more I earn, the more I become important and happy, they forget that the best of the things come for free. A smile, the gentle touch of a baby, the love of a mother, the caress of a lover, the mesmerising sunrise, the riot of colours during spring, the numerous shades of green leaves, the sprinkle of chilling river water on a hot day, the fragrance of flora and fauna, the wisdom of the sages and the experienced…all are available for free! They do not need to even compliment a sale…sunrise ke saath smile free!! These gifts are in abundance. The only effort we need to make is ‘to make no effort at all’, just sit back, pause and relish these moments, these people and these spaces.

The foreign countries or specifically the Western countries have been unknowingly made a benchmark for ‘my India’ for everything beautiful and clean. But then this is what Aravallis are…clean and green!! I have experienced it myself. And our trekking groups that move around in the jungles take utmost care not to scatter any garbage or exploit the nature in any way. My photos testify the alluring bounty that is available at a stone’s throw distance.

Then why do we wish to spend thousands of bucks to experience something that is as close as my backyard? Maybe because this generation wants to have a sense of accomplishment by attaining something unattainable. Come to think of it, it is probably true because sailing to far away lands was something unattainable for the previous generation due to financial and other constrains. So, what my mom and dad could not do, I do and feel like a winner!! And in the process I find sensationalism which feeds my ego and provides me with enough masala to post on fb…Instagram…Twitter!!

Its time we start appreciating the wealth of our motherland and with a little more effort set it up as the benchmark for the other countries! Let them be insecure, let them feel like menials, let them look up to us because we are born the best! God has endowed us with enough natural splendours. So let’s also have faith in ourselves and our countrymen!!

“This is amazingly beautiful…I am sure it is in India”. I am optimistic that the day is not far when the melodious words like these ring in my ears!

Jai Hind!!